The Struggle is Real

By: Debra Brent

I've been on vacation this past week visiting a friend in Tennessee and have been having fun, yet still struggling with I don't know what.

The fact of the matter is, I've been consciously overeating, procrastinating and have wet myself in the middle of the night 4 of the last 6 days.

I woke up yesterday feeling restless, agitated, on edge and have no idea why.

The thing is, it doesn't matter where you go or how you hope that you feel, the struggle is real and it's not something you can run away, hide from or escape - even on vacation.

Sit With It

My anxiety coach (BeataAnxiety.Me) pointed something out to me awhile back that I didn't realize I was doing. He told me to,

"Sit WITH it, not sit IN it!"

I have difficulty at times processing certain aspects of healing. I can intellectually understand what is being said, can explain it to others coherently, yet when I go to apply it to myself, I just don't "get it".

Personally, this only leads me to becoming frustrated and angry at myself for feeling stupid, especially when the concept seems so straightforward.

And "sitting with it", vs. "sitting in it" has been one of those struggles with me.

My mind tends to wander to the reasoning of those feelings in my body, instead of just sitting with, allowing and feeling them.

I can tell I still try to run or escape now by what I've been doing this past week (and the past few months) with overeating.

As far as wetting myself, that's a tell tale sign of stress and suppression for me.

I can pinpoint the stress, but what I'm suppressing seems a bit more difficult to dissect. Although it's also plain as day to see if I would just be honest with myself.

Vulnerability Heals, Not Steals

When we shared our highs and lows for the week in Anxiety Group on Monday, I never specifically said what my three lows were.

Even though I can write about them, I still feel like I'm hiding if I can't voice them out loud or face to face.

I kept them to myself out of the fear of embarrassment, judgement and criticism. When I do this, it causes me to enter what I call:

"The Shame Spiral"

Even talking with my friend this week, I was hesitant about revealing parts of my past out of those same fears.

Yet, by allowing those fears to keep my insecurities bottled up, I'm only adding fuel to the fire of that shame.

Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. If we can't be open and honest about our struggles, especially to ourselves, all we are doing is suppressing our strength to heal.

Be Honest With Yourself

I say I don't know what's been causing the nighttime wetting, agitation, restlessness, overeating, etc., but if I am brutally honest with myself, I really do.

But by acknowledging my insecurities and shame, I'd have to sit with and deal with these feelings and fear is what keeps me from that.

The thing we have to remember in order to heal is that to be open and honest with others, we first have to become open and honest with ourselves.

Truth is what will set you free,

if you can just open up your heart,

face your fears and walk through, instead of around, the pain.

Because the struggle IS real my friends, but so is our ability to overcome and heal through the power and strength of our own vulnerability…..

Sending you love, hugzz and prayers,

Debra