What If? Chasing Failure Over Success

By: Debra Brent

So many of us define success in the context of money, careers, houses, cars, possessions, as in the more we have, the further we can get and the happier we will be.

The fact of the matter is, when you reach what you think will make you happy, it oftentimes leaves you instead feeling empty.

You then crave more, but that more is and never will be enough.

Just as with the unhealthy ways in which I coped. For example, alcohol made me feel temporarily better, but I soon had to keep drinking more and more even for that momentary happiness. So, I then found something else and switched to gambling, sex, pot, prescription drugs, food, etc.....but nothing was ever enough.

So what if you changed your perspective?

What if you chased failure instead of success?

Think about it. Failure is what so many of us fear. Failure is what keeps us holding ourselves back. Failure is like the evilness we want to exorcise from our life. Yet, we keep avoiding those things that might bring on that same sense of failure.

As my Anxiety Coach (BeatAnxiety.Me) says, "How can we heal what we refuse to reveal? How can we face what we choose to avoid?"

So, what if chasing failure is what will actually lead to success?

What if chasing failure is what will ultimately make you feel whole and not empty?

What if chasing failure is what will truly lead you to freedom?

What if?

Change Your Perspective

Take for example Robin Williams, Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade.  They were all highly successful people if you look at society's definition today of what success means.

Yet, to take one's own life is not due to happiness, but extreme pain, loneliness, emptiness and something that is just too much to bear anymore.

So, what if you changed not only your perspective of success, but also your perspective of failure?

If you take a closer look, success is oftentimes cloaked in expectation, stress, and a loss of identity.

And success brings with it a million unanswered questions:

• Now what?

• Is this as far as I can go?

• Why do I feel like it's not enough?

• How do I handle the pressure from others?

• How do I handle the pressure I put on myself?

• So I have more money, clout and/or power now, are people wanting to be a part of my life for that, or for me?

It is then:

• You begin to question relationships.

• You begin to question your own motives.

• You begin to question your definition of success.

• You begin and continue to question yourself.

Yet I'm sure you're thinking, how can failure make me feel any less empty?

Because in the midst of failure is where you conquer fear.

• Failure is where you find your strength and courage. 

• Failure gets you to a point of turning to God.

• Failure shows you just how many times you can get up when you fall.

• Failure will build self-esteem and self-confidence.

• Failure will teach you that judgement and criticism from others doesn't matter.

• Failure can lead you to contentment, fulfillment and freedom.

And ultimately,

Failure can lead you to faith.

In the midst of failure, you can find out more about yourself than you ever could in the throes of success, if you just take the time to stop and listen.

It's About the Journey, Not the Destination

So many of us define success by the "end goal". So if all we are concentrating on is the destination, we miss the whole point of the journey.

• It's through the journey we learn about our authentic self.

• It's through the journey we cultivate friendships, relationships, find mentors, teachers and learn God's lessons.

• It's through the journey we face our fears.

• It's through the journey He can cultivate strength in our weakness.

So many times we lose sight of what can truly bring us contentment and fulfillment because we concentrate more on where we want to be, instead of where we are right now.

When we live in the present and not the regrets, guilt, grief and pain of the past or fear of the future, is where we will replace emptiness with gratitude, giving and grace.

When we live in the present, we'll see the beauty of relationships, connection, helping others; we'll see the gifts and lessons in our failures, as well as the greatness that can truly come from them.

When we live in the present, we can find that those everyday little things are what truly add up to the big things:

• Trying a new hobby, skill or craft

• Building old and creating new friendships

• The beauty in nature & all of God's creation

• The fulfillment of helping others and paying it forward

• The contentment in validating our current accomplishments

• The power of acceptance and forgiveness

I love the saying "Stop and smell the roses". For it's when you just fly right by them due to lack of time, stress, feeling exhausted, empty, numb, depressed, etc. you are missing out on those things that can truly fill up your cup instead of deplete it.

So, take a chance! What do you have to lose? Chase failure instead of success and see how rich your life and heart can truly become 💖🥰🙏🏻

Sending love, hugzz and prayers,

Debra